A Circle of Three

Should Perfection Be The Goal?

During the Holidays I think as women we tend to want everything to be perfect. We want to look just right when we need to attend a Christmas party; the presents we pick out should be the "perfect" present for that special someone and we want our homes to look like a page out of Southern Living. We set ourselves up so often for disappointment when "perfection" is our goal.

I once read that "perfection" is a moving target and it is so true. As women we "beat" ourselves up for not being able to get all the items checked off on our endless "to-do" lists. I see women who are obsessed with their weight, every new wrinkle gives them a panic attack; worry that the way they reacted to their child is going to cause irreversible damage...and the list goes on and on. This self-disappointment begins a cycle of negative self-talk and damages our self-esteem.

In the book "Captivating" by Staci Eldredge she writes about how most little girls grow up playing with baby dolls...dreaming of the "prince" who will come and sweep us off our feet and having the "perfect" life. When our dreams do not become the reality often we feel like life has dealt us a bad set of cards. If we could only realize that "perfection" does not exist here on earth with the exception of the media who can airbrush perfection.

It helps me to understand the pregnant addicts that we are ministering to out on the streets, but it also helps me to better understand myself at different seasons in my own life. When the scripts we have written for our lives do not produce the results we had believed would happen, often we feel like just giving up. Disappointment often leads to defeat. It can cause us to become frustrated not only with ourselves, but also with the God who created us. What if instead we could all embrace our God given uniqueness, our strengths and weaknesses and understand that imperfections are a part of our indivuality?

Our young pregnant addict...I am sure that her life script is not the one she had originally written for her life, but she feels defeated. She sees no way out of this bondage that she is in...dependent on her drugs and the men who supply them. She has been offered freedom from that lifestyle and right now, she is too frightened to walk through those doors. Is it because she is afraid that she will fail? Is it because she fears the unknown? Is it because she doesn't really believe that God could have something so much better for her?

When I struggled with my eating disorder the scale dictated my mood for the day. If I gained a pound I wasn't happy. If I didn't get outside for a run my mood was foul. As I look back on those days I am so blessed that God delivered me from the bondage that I was in. Was I scared to begin eating again? Yes...it was difficult and I felt that I would no longer be "perfect" because to me 78 pounds was perfect. Was it frightening to skip a week of exercise? Definitely, but I knew that I had to change my habits or I would lose not only my life, but all that really mattered to me as well.

I am not advocating that we should not have dreams...or to not set goals for ourselves, but what I do want others to see is that by letting go of what we believe is "perfection" we may begin to see that God has an even better plan for our lives than we do. Change is hard and letting go some of our expectations may prove difficult, but I promise you it will be worth it.

When our thoughts revolve around perfection most of the time we will have feelings of: disappointment, anger, guilt, fear, shame, frustration, etc. We can become addicted to the thought of "everything must be perfect." Believe me...I lived this way for a long time and there was no freedom in my life. I read a quote this week that really resonated with me: "Addictions are ultimately a disorder of worship. Will we worship ourselves and our own desires, or will we worship the true God?" -Edward Welch

The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow. If we are sowing negativity we will get more negativity. So often in the earlier days of my marriage I was at odds with my mother-in-law because I felt that she was not accepting of me and resented any kind of advice or instruction. I regret those years and wish with all my heart that she was still here to give impart her wisdom to me...mothers are wired by God to instruct...for some it is just harder to give that up. My desire for being the "perfect" person caused me to react negatively when I felt someone was criticizing even though it may have only been good advice or genuine concern. As I have changed my thought process (and no I am not 100% there yet) I realize that imperfections are a part of life...they are a reality this side of heaven.

I will never be a world famous potter, but I have signed up to take Art Classes in 2012 because I miss that artistic side of myself. And the Potter who is perfect promises that daily as I walk with Him he will reshape this lump of clay into something useful and even beautiful. We must all learn to forgive ourselves...accept our flaws and live our lives with the peace, joy, happiness, and love that we should be seeking...perfection should not be our goal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking for a Christmas Miracle...or two...or...............

It has been a busy morning as I have cleaned, caught up with laundry and now I am planning on finishing up some last minute craft projects before I begin baking. As I sat for a minute though with a cup of coffee and checked FB stats I was reminded once again of God's divine plans and how they will prevail no matter what.

One of our clients at the Center is a 23 year-old addict who is 6 months pregnant. She is addicted to crack and being pregnant hasn't changed anything and I pray that she can begin to see herself as God sees her and that her life could change. The woman who is planning to adopt this innocent baby is in town to visit her family for the Christmas Season, but has spent most of the week thus far ministering to this young woman. God knew who this young addict would need in her life for this Season and He truly orchestrated it all!

Today, I am praising God that she has made it to the clinic for her pre-natal visit. I am praying that if she sees another ultrasound picture of this child that God is knitting together in her womb, that she be willing to accept the help of rehab that is being offered to her. Aren't we like that...God offers us freedom, He offers us His mercy and so often we accept what the world is offering instead.

This past year has truly been life changing for me. God laid the pro-life movement on my heart many years ago. As a young mother in New England several of my friends were involved in the pro-life movement and working in medicine the sanctity of life has always been important to me so when I was offered the chance to become a Client Advocate at the Pregnancy Center I was eager to go through the training. And then I was blessed abundantly by the gift of now being a Staff Member and am waiting with great anticipation for what God will do in 2012.

Naively I thought that I would just be doing pregnancy tests and counseling women who walked through the door and were unsure of how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy...no one told me that I would be ministering to the prostitutes and addicts on the street. God knew though and He knew that my heart would indeed be broken by seeing these women, just as His heart is broken.

I remember the first time one of the addicts came through the door...all I could see was the sadness in her eyes... I remember standing in the boutique at the Center and praying with her and listening to her recite Scripture and thinking please God change her heart and mind...break these chains and set her free. Natalie is in jail now and may be released on January 5th...she and I have been corresponding by mail and my heart is filled with love for this young woman who has believed the lies that Satan has told her. Our prayer during this Christmas Season is that she will surrender her life, her addictions and her past to the One who can redeem her from the pit she has been in and restore her to wholeness.

There are more girls...and now, they have names and they are not just faces on the street. One of them has cancer...she is 22 years-old and Christmas will not be one filled with peace and love...it will be filled with pain and grief. Some would say...it was their choice...but as you peel away the layers...you begin to understand the pain that drove them to this lifestyle. None of us can understand who have not walked in their shoes, but all of us can pray for them. I ask you to pray for these women...especially Natalie, the one who is in jail; Marie who is the pregnant addict and for Lynn, the addict who has cancer. Pray that Satan will be bound and they will be freed from the shackles of bondage during this Christmas season. (Names have been changed for their privacy, but God knows who they are).

Thank you....

 

 

Wise Men and Women Still Seek Him

Matthew, the author of the Book of Matthew in the Bible gives an account of the magi's journey to find the new baby king (Matthew 2: 1-12). We might classify the wise men as seekers, because they traveled many miles, perhaps from three to twenty-four months, just following the star shining in the East. When they finally arrived at their destination, they were filled with joy as the bowed down to worship and bestow gifts on the child who they had been told was a King. But what possible relevance does this story hold for us today? We are definitely not the magi who have time on our hands and gifts of gold to give away! I believe that there are four things we can learn from these persistent followers:

1) The Magi had hearts filled with hope and expectancy. They believed that the star would indeed lead them to the new King. Think of what it must have been like for them with only a star to guide them. They did not own an iphone with a built in GPS, nor gould they google the directions. Their vehicle of choice was a camel, not an air-conditioned automobile and yet, they expected that they would find the child they were seeking.

They remind me of my daughter when she was a young child. Jenny would begin announcing her birthday at least two months before the "big" day. She loved celebrating her special day and would plan the theme, the guest list, etc. This sweet child of ours never had a trace of doubt that her birthday would be anything less than spectacular! Most children live life with the attitude of expectancy, and as adults we could all take lessons from the children in our lives and the Magi.

Hebrews 11:1 says: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (NIV) An attitude of hope and expectancy draw us closer to God. The Magi trusted that the star would lead them to the King and it did. We need to trust God's Word and allow it to lead us closer to His heart.

2) The wise men were willing to sacrifice their own lives, time, and wealth in order to find this special child. The Bible is filled with stories of people who were willing to take risks and make sacrifices. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his only son, Isaac; Noah sacrificed years of his life building an ark; and Paul, the disciple was stoned and put into prison for the sake of the gospel. Esther took a chance to go before the King in order to save her people. Are we willing to make sacrifices in our own lives, just like these men and women of old?

A friend of mine confided that she had always prayed that God would never send ask her to make two sacrifices...she never wanted to go to Africa and did not want to work with children. Well, about eight years ago now, God not only paved the way for her to go to Africa, He also took her completely out of her comfort zone and yes, you guessed it she ended up working with the children. Now she says that her heart will never be the same, because she was willing to obey and trust. Proverbs 3: 5-6 (NIV) tells us: "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

3) Matthew 2:11 states that when the wise men saw the child with His mother Mary, they bowed down and worshipped Him. Many people think that worship is attendance at a church service on Sunday mornings, but then complain if the service is too long, the message does not seem relevant, the songs were not their personal favorites, etc. Too often we forget that worship is not at all about us. Worship is paying homage to the King of Kings and it should not just be a Sunday morning event, but an everyday occurence. We are to worship the Lord with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength.

4) The wise men gave their treasures to Jesus. They gave the gift of gold, acknowledging Him as King; frankincense because He is a priest; and myrrh, which is a burial spice signifying that He would die and be buried. These men gave Jesus their best. We need to give Jesus our time, our talents, our very lives in gratitude for all that He has done for us. Think about the words in the Christmas song, "Midwinter" by Christina Rossetti:

"What shall I give Him poor as I am?

If I were a Shepherd, I would give Him a lamb.

If I were a Wiseman, I would do my part.

What shall I give Him? I will give Him my heart.

There are many ways we can give God our hearts: when we reach out to a child who is struggling with the pain of their parent's divorce, when we feed the hungry in our community, when we knit hats for the Crisis Pregnancy Center to put in bags for new mothers, when we are able to see Jesus in the face of a girl who is in prison. Jesus wants our lives to reflect His glory...He wants our treasure, our hearts.

Because the wise men were willing to listen to God, they chose a different route home. My prayer for all of us this Christmas is that we too would listen to God and His call on our lives and choose a new way home. He is the only reliable route for seekers and for believers who desire to become more like Him every day. This Christmas, take a shortcut straight to God through His Word and the leading of His Spirit! He is close than you might think. Live with hope, expectancy, and self-sacrifice. Worship Him and bring Him the treasures of your heart.

What to Do with Disappointment...

Last night my husband and I and some very special friends went to see "The Story Tour" at Northland. My husband and I decided that it would be our Christmas gift to one another and I have to say it really blessed us both immensely. The Story...depicts creation and life from Genesis to Revelation. The Story...of a baby born in a manger...a baby who came to save us from our sins and to give us the hope of eternal life.

This morning I dropped Bob off at work and ran some errands and as I browsed though the toy aisles at Target I saw parents who were trying to select just the right gift for the special children in their lives and so many of them looked so tired and worn out...my heart ached right there in the middle of Target. The Season has become so commercialized that I am afraid too many do not even remember that Jesus is the reason for the Season...He is the gift that indeed does keep on giving.

My very favorite blog is http://www.aholyexperience.com/, Ann Voscamp wrote the book "One Thousand Gifts" which has helped to change my perspective on what really matters. Will I still buy Christmas gifts? Yes, but I am spending far less than normal and realize that even with the grandchildren what they want most is your time and attention. A year from now I would venture to say they will not really remember who bought them what, but they will remember that you spent quality time with them. I want this Christmas to truly be a time to reflect on how we can best invest our lives in what truly blesses Jesus.

This morning on Ann Voscamp's blog she posted this quote: "God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints.”

She was having a conversation with her Mama about how she feels that she disappoints people in her life at times. We all do and they will disappoint us and God knew that would happen; it is not accidental. As I sat and read her blog I have to admit I was a little envious that she could sit with her Mama and discuss the things that make her heart ache...it's a part of life I have missed out as that has never been my relationship with my Mom...so yes, it is a disappointment. As Ann sat there and spoke to her Mama she began understanding...and her beautiful words helped me to understand as well...

God appointed me to be a wife to Bob, to be a mother to Robert, Ryan, and Jenny, to be a mother-in-law to Susan, Jen, and Mark, to be a grandmother to Emma, Blake, Mason, Robert, and Marky, to be a sister-in-law, to be an aunt, to be a member of a church, to work at the Pregnancy Center...to be in the relationships that I am in ...and it should not be as much about disappointing as much as it is Who I am pointing others to, Who do I turn to and Who am I seeking to follow all the days of my life.

Let these words sink into your heart today...“God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints.”

I know that I don't get it right as often as I should...but I pray that my actions and my heart will always give glory to the One Who is Right and Who will never disappoint.

My prayer is that wise men and women will seek the One who has given us the greatest gift of all.