During the Holidays I think as women we tend to want everything to be perfect. We want to look just right when we need to attend a Christmas party; the presents we pick out should be the "perfect" present for that special someone and we want our homes to look like a page out of Southern Living. We set ourselves up so often for disappointment when "perfection" is our goal.
I once read that "perfection" is a moving target and it is so true. As women we "beat" ourselves up for not being able to get all the items checked off on our endless "to-do" lists. I see women who are obsessed with their weight, every new wrinkle gives them a panic attack; worry that the way they reacted to their child is going to cause irreversible damage...and the list goes on and on. This self-disappointment begins a cycle of negative self-talk and damages our self-esteem.
In the book "Captivating" by Staci Eldredge she writes about how most little girls grow up playing with baby dolls...dreaming of the "prince" who will come and sweep us off our feet and having the "perfect" life. When our dreams do not become the reality often we feel like life has dealt us a bad set of cards. If we could only realize that "perfection" does not exist here on earth with the exception of the media who can airbrush perfection.
It helps me to understand the pregnant addicts that we are ministering to out on the streets, but it also helps me to better understand myself at different seasons in my own life. When the scripts we have written for our lives do not produce the results we had believed would happen, often we feel like just giving up. Disappointment often leads to defeat. It can cause us to become frustrated not only with ourselves, but also with the God who created us. What if instead we could all embrace our God given uniqueness, our strengths and weaknesses and understand that imperfections are a part of our indivuality?
Our young pregnant addict...I am sure that her life script is not the one she had originally written for her life, but she feels defeated. She sees no way out of this bondage that she is in...dependent on her drugs and the men who supply them. She has been offered freedom from that lifestyle and right now, she is too frightened to walk through those doors. Is it because she is afraid that she will fail? Is it because she fears the unknown? Is it because she doesn't really believe that God could have something so much better for her?
When I struggled with my eating disorder the scale dictated my mood for the day. If I gained a pound I wasn't happy. If I didn't get outside for a run my mood was foul. As I look back on those days I am so blessed that God delivered me from the bondage that I was in. Was I scared to begin eating again? Yes...it was difficult and I felt that I would no longer be "perfect" because to me 78 pounds was perfect. Was it frightening to skip a week of exercise? Definitely, but I knew that I had to change my habits or I would lose not only my life, but all that really mattered to me as well.
I am not advocating that we should not have dreams...or to not set goals for ourselves, but what I do want others to see is that by letting go of what we believe is "perfection" we may begin to see that God has an even better plan for our lives than we do. Change is hard and letting go some of our expectations may prove difficult, but I promise you it will be worth it.
When our thoughts revolve around perfection most of the time we will have feelings of: disappointment, anger, guilt, fear, shame, frustration, etc. We can become addicted to the thought of "everything must be perfect." Believe me...I lived this way for a long time and there was no freedom in my life. I read a quote this week that really resonated with me: "Addictions are ultimately a disorder of worship. Will we worship ourselves and our own desires, or will we worship the true God?" -Edward Welch
The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow. If we are sowing negativity we will get more negativity. So often in the earlier days of my marriage I was at odds with my mother-in-law because I felt that she was not accepting of me and resented any kind of advice or instruction. I regret those years and wish with all my heart that she was still here to give impart her wisdom to me...mothers are wired by God to instruct...for some it is just harder to give that up. My desire for being the "perfect" person caused me to react negatively when I felt someone was criticizing even though it may have only been good advice or genuine concern. As I have changed my thought process (and no I am not 100% there yet) I realize that imperfections are a part of life...they are a reality this side of heaven.
I will never be a world famous potter, but I have signed up to take Art Classes in 2012 because I miss that artistic side of myself. And the Potter who is perfect promises that daily as I walk with Him he will reshape this lump of clay into something useful and even beautiful. We must all learn to forgive ourselves...accept our flaws and live our lives with the peace, joy, happiness, and love that we should be seeking...perfection should not be our goal.
