A Circle of Three

What Do You Do When Life Hands You a Detour?

I am reading a good book, "Plan B" by Pete Wilson. It's a book about what you do when your dreams are shattered or you don't feel that God is showing up the way you thought that he would in the painful circumstances of your life. Right now, just like many of you,  we have circumstances going on in our lives that really weren't how I wish they were evolving. Circumstances that are painful...and so I have to choose..Do I run from God? Do I get angry or do I try to maniputale circumstances? Or do I draw closer to the One who promises never to leave me and never to forsake me?

In the book, the author tells of King David and how he becomes responsible for the slaughter of many because he lied to Ahimelech (1 Samuel 22). David not only his position, but also his wife, his wise counselor, his friend, and his self-respect. It was during times like this that David knew the only place to run was straight into the arms of God. The circumstances we walk through are often difficult, and sometimes we lose people and things that have become very dear to us, but it doesn't mean that our lives are spiraling out of control. All it means it that we are not in control.  And it is in the pain that we can trust the One who has control always.

I have wrestled with God often enough in my own life to know that so many of the questions I ask of Him, will simply not have answers this side of heaven. I have learned however, that God is faithful and these circumstances didn't surprise Him and he himself will never change. As Pete Wilson writes, "our faith must rest in His identity and not necessarily in His activity.

It is easy to get discouraged when we are coming to God with our requests and nothing is happening. We wonder if he has left the building. We live in a society where we can pull up to an ATM machine at a bank, slip in a card, pinch in some information and like magic money is dispensed, so we begin to expect the same of our God. We believe that we ask in prayer and we are entitled to have whatever it is that we pray for.

There may be things or ever people who are hoding us back from the intimacy with God that he desires for us to have...He wants to get you to the place where you are willing to surrender your plans in order to receive His. Our faith is Him is meant to grow with each challenge. One of my favorite songs is "Praise You in the Storm", such a great reminder that He never leaves us and He holds every tear.

What circumstances do you need to lay at His feet today? He promises that if we draw near to Him, He will draw nearer to us."

 

 

Miracles...

Yesterday at our daily prayer time at the center I used Ann Voscamp's post from the previous day as our devotional. In the post she had written a letter to her son writing about what the Gosnell abortions shuld mean to all of us. In the post she tells me of her first visit to a Doctor when she finds out that she is pregnant with him...the doctor asks: "Have you considered an abortion?" She was young, newly married and in her 3rd year of college, definitely reasons to get an abortion, right?

via musingsfromthegram.typepad.com

Miracles...

Yesterday at our daily prayer time at the center I used Ann Voscamp's post from the previous day as our devotional. In the post she had written a letter to her son writing about what the Gosnell abortions shuld mean to all of us. In the post she tells me of her first visit to a Doctor when she finds out that she is pregnant with him...the doctor asks: "Have you considered an abortion?" She was young, newly married and in her 3rd year of college, definitely reasons to get an abortion, right?

via musingsfromthegram.typepad.com

Miracles...

Yesterday at our daily prayer time at the center I used Ann Voscamp's post from the previous day as our devotional. In the post she had written a letter to her son writing about what the Gosnell abortions shuld mean to all of us. In the post she tells me of her first visit to a Doctor when she finds out that she is pregnant with him...the doctor asks: "Have you considered an abortion?" She was young, newly married and in her 3rd year of college, definitely reasons to get an abortion, right?

How awful that a Doctor should even suggest that...why would you plant that idea in a young woman's head? Why would you make a woman feel that this would be a better choice? She chose life for her son and in the post she tells him that he received a gift that day. A gift that one million babies a year will not get. What would those children have become? And what becomes of the women who made that choice?

I had a friend in High School who got pregnant and would have kept her child, but her parents would not allow her to. She placed her child for adoption, she chose life, but for her that too, was a painful decision because always there was an empty place...a longing to hold the child that now had another mother holding her. You can read this wonderful story http://www.thesamesmile.com/ for the outcome.

Ann writes that "we take for granted what should be taken as a gift." Thought provoking...as I thought about it yesterday I saw my own life in a new light. My mother told me many years ago that if abortion had been legal when she found herself pregnant with me, she would have had one. She didn't and so always I should remember that my life is a gift and I should never take a day for granted.

In Psalm 139 God's Word tells us that He knit us together in our mother's wombs...He chose to give us life...it is a gift because He wasn't required to do so. When we begin to see our lives as the gift that they really are, from the Giver of Life it should bring us to our knees in thanksgiving for what He has done. Our bodies, our lives, our interests, they are not our own.

When we choose to see our lives as a gift from the Giver who breathed life into us it should always make us reflect on how we are living our lives. Are we honoring Him in how we live out our days? Is our focus on our selves or is it lived out in a way that shows that we understand His grace?

Daily we have to choose...do we follow the ways of the world and blend in with the crowd or do we live in awe of what Christ has done for us on the Cross? We can choose to live out our lives embracing the grace or we can choose to embrace sin because He also gave us a free will. Are our lives proclaiming the grace of the gospel to others? Are we honoring the Giver of our lives in all that we say and all that we do daily?

I am asking myself these questions and I urge you to ask yourself them as well...we are all each one of us a miracle  and our lives should always point others to the One who created us to be His hands and feet on this earth.

Senseless...

What should have been a day of fun for so many turned into a day of tragedy in Boston yesterday. When we lived in New England we loved going into Boston for Patriot's Day and had so many friends who ran the Boston Marathon. Boston is one of my favorite cities and forever this day will be remembered as a day of tragedy.

A reminder of how fragile life is. We live in a world that is so unpredictable and we should never take our families and friends for granted. I am sure that the ones who kissed their loved ones at the start of the Boston Marathon never dreamed that they would not be able to Congratulate them at the finish line.

I remember after 9/11 people started flocking to churches that weekend...they all hugged their children a little tighter and then slowly over time it all goes back to the way it was. How many reminders do we need that none of us is ever guaranteed tomorrow?

I believe far too many people are throwing away their marriages, and if that wasn't bad enough the children are also "cast aside" as their parents are way too busy forging a new life. I know first hand the pain that settles deep into your soul when you feel that you are not a priority to your mom or dad...when their friends and new partners are more important than you are.

My mom lived life the way she wanted to for years before she and my Dad finally called it quits. Most nights it was my Dad who tucked me in at night and many of those nights I can remember thinking to myself: "why doesn't my Mom love me, why is she never here, what did I do wrong?" My Dad was the nurturer and I thank God for his input in my life daily. He loved me, wanted to spend time with me and taught me that "actions do indeed speaker louder than words.

I hate divorce....I hate that it forever fractures a child's family, but what I hate even more is that the children are the ones who are hurt the most. They are shuffled back and forth between 2 homes; often their parents are so concerned with making a new life and finding a new partner that the needs and wants of the child go unnoticed. Children are left to sort out the answers to life's questions...how?

My own personal experience helps me to have such empathy for children who are going through this. My heart breaks for their pain. And because I have lived it...I pray that parents would understand that this isn't the time to be spending so much time away from your children...your friends if they really care about you should be telling you that your children should come first and that where you should be investing your time is in thei lives.

If this tragedy in Boston again does nothing else I pray that it would wake some up and make them realize how very precious life is.

May God have mercy on our nation and on our families.

Which Compass Do You Follow?

A good friend and I were having a conversation the other day and I decided that this was a topic I would like to blog on and am hoping for feedback from my audience. She has 3 teenage girls under her roof and one teenage boy, I know, God bless her and give her an abundance of patience. Our discussion centered around young people who no longer believe that it is wrong to have sex with whoever they are dating at the present time.

In my work I see it daily. I have had High School girls come in who think that we dispense birth control, so they come in hoping for free pills, instead they walk out with the only "safe sex" before marriage is abstinence. Most of them are only worried about getting pregnant, they have no idea of the sexual diseases that are running rampant in our world. These young girls want to engage in sex hoping that this will keep the boy true to them, but in reality it will not.

My friend and I are both products of homes that were torn apart by a mother's unfaithfulness...not only to their husbands, but also to their children because my own personal belief is when you are cheating on your spouse, you are cheating your children of a family and time with them. I watched the demise of my family as my mother went from one bad relationship to another and I thank God that it allowed me to see first-hand the wreckage that it caused.

I grew up in the church, but as a Catholic never read the Bible so I had no understanding of what God's word said about marriage or divorce  at that time, but I had a very wise and loving maternal grandmother who taught me right from wrong. I did not grow up with a strong spiritual compass, but always have had a very strong moral compass. I am not "patting" myself on the back as I know that this is because God had his hand on me even when I didn't walk with Him. I also saw how my mother's wrong choices impacted my life personally.

Bob and I married...for better or for worse...in sickness and in health...until death do us part. As we are now approaching those "golden years" I am blessed to know that it is God's grace that has allowed both of us to be faithful to one another and to our family. Did we both have opportunities where we could have strayed? Certainly, but the vows we made and the spiritual and moral compasses that have guided our lives have made it possible to keep our hearts connected and our relationship solid.

I feel that both Bob and I gave our children godly principles, encouraged each of them to walk with the Lord and allow His Holy Spirit to lead and guide them and to live lives of integrity and to have morals that would never bring shame or embarassment to their spouses, to their children, to us and most of all to the God who created them.

They are now all adults and Bob and I realize that truly you can give them roots...you can teach them right from wrong, but bottom line is they have to decide to either allow the Holy Spirit to lead them and guide them, or they will choose to be imitators of the folks they associate with and allow the world to be their compass. If they choose the world, the consequences will be what they will need to live with.

My friend and I realize that we watched what went on in our own homes and knew that it was never what we wanted for our marriages or for our children. Even though our mother's behaviors embarassed us, we never wanted to bring shame on our mothers by our actions. We are both thankful that God has His hand on us long before we knew it and as mothers we know that our best line of defense is PRAYER.

Does the lack of good morals in our world bother you? What compass guides you?

 

Better Is One Day...

I have neglected my blog for quite awhile because the busyness of life has gotten in the way. Some of it has been good busy, like my sweet sister coming from VA for 4 days and some of it has been painful, not for me personally, but for people that I love.

My sweet hubster knows how much I love to read and bought me a few books for Easter. This morning I finished one of them, "Distant Shores" by Kristin Hannah. Some of the language was rough, but the story was what spoke to me. It is about a couple who had been married for over 20 years, raised two daughters who were now in college and the wife had always put her dreams on hold.

He had been an athlete who had abused drugs and alcohol and had been involved in numerous affairs. She had always forgiven him, always loved him, but then one day she decided that she was tired of following his dreams and needed to have personal fulfillment. He moved to New York for work and she opted to stay at the beach house, that had been their home.

With the encouragement of friends, she began to paint again and found that she did indeed have talent, but always in her heart she knew that she and her husband were meant to be together. As I sat and read this book, I thought about how difficult marriage can be at times, but when you choose to work through the issues God can use even those difficult moments for growth.

I have been married now for almost 43 years and am so thankful that Bob and I hung in there even when the days were dark because we have both grown through the years and I know that had either one of us walked out we would have regretted it. I am blessed to be pursuing the things I am passionate about at this stage of life and have his blessing, encouragement and support. I have even been able to take a long ago dream off the shelf and have been painting for the last 6 months again.

Elizabeth and Jack, the characters in the book seperated for awhile...she pursued her painting and he had his work, but it was their two grown children who made them both see that they were throwing away a family. Elizabeth had poured her life into her family and Jack he had always been kind of the "bystander" as he allowed life to go on around him. He realized that he had never immersed himself in his daughter's lives and had never been an encourager to either his wife or his children. Bottom line, he had been selfish!

Family is not the place for selfishness. Some days as wives and mothers we may have to give 100%, other days it may be our spouse who needs to give that 100%. We need to be able to look betyond our own needs and wants and think of the people that God has placed in our lives. Love is a decision and every day we have the chance to start anew and to trust that He can take all of the pieces and mold us and our families into so much more than we could ever imagine.

God needs to be at the helm of our marriages. The world and all of its messages promote destruction of the family, but God intended for marriage to be a covenant relationship...you, your spouse and God. As I watch marriages fall apart, my heart aches not only for the couple, but for the children whose lives will be forever changed, and for the extended families whose lives are changed as well.

When seperation or divorce does happen again as parents your needs and wants need to come after the needs and wants of the children whose lives are being impacted. You shouldn't be concerned with dating or trying to replace the mate you are leaving...your concern and focus needs to be on the children. This is again, not the time to be self-centered.

On Sunday, Joel Hunter spoke about the selfishness of our society as a whole. It is so true. We fail to give thanks to the God who blesses us every day and go about our lives acting like we are in control and fail to put others ahead of ourselves. The Bible tells us that we need to serve others, to love and to put the needs of others before our own.

Who can you serve today? And how can you make a difference?

 

 

 

a little Saturday post

So often in life we forget to be thankful for the blessings in our lives and we allow the negatives to take hold. As I sit here this morning I am so very thankful for all that I do have in my life and most of all for the blessing of family.

We are not perfect...there are lots of imperfections and there have been many "bumps and bruises" along the way, but the greatest blessings have come from God in the form of the husband, the children, and the grandchildren that He has blessed me with.

Thankful today that God in His infinite wisdom knew that family would make me smile.

 

Truth...How Do You Process It?

I am reading a great book right now, "The Power of a New Attitude"  and I felt this chapter was worth sharing. In this Chapter the Author discusses truth and one of the very first things he says is, "truth can be intimidating." Sometimes, it is hard to face truth...either in our own lives or in the lives of those we love. He talks about those who see truth as an enemy and want to run and hide from it and how that just prolongs our not getting the help we need to face the facts.

Change is hard work and to make the right changes in our lives can be very diffcult for those who are resistant to change, so avoiding truth really works "well" for them. God's Word tells us that those who walk in darkness enjoy it because they do not want their evils exposed. Dr. Nelson writes that truth can sometimes complicate matters ie: " confessing to a crime, can send someone to jail, " but honesty is still always the best policy.

When people choose to run from truth, they also run away from relationships where people want to be honest with them. People who love us and want the best for us should hold us accountable.

Dr. Nelson suggests that there are 4 reasons why people run and hide from the truth:

1) We are too busy ---we do not want to take the time to confront the truth, deal with it and to make the necessary changes in our lives.

2) We know that we are not what we need to be, so out of sight, out of mind ---these are the folks who hope that by avoiding a problem, it will just go away. For example, people who don't want to hear spiritual truths because it would be too convicting stay away from church and even having a relationship with God. They say things such as: "church is not for me, the Pastor's sermon's are boring, etc.

3) We don't like pain ---when we are forced to face truth, we don't know what the end result will be, so we want to run and hide from the pain that truth may bring. Truth about ourselves is often a bitter pill to swallow because we want our lives to appear perfect and do not want our faults and failures revelaed. Prserving our "image" sometimes becomes more important that facing the truth.

4) As creatures of habit, we don't want to change---confronting the truth sometimes forces us to do something that we have not wanted to do. Dr. Nelson says, "we become our own worst enemies when we avoid truth and do not seek it."

For many truth is difficult to face and they are totally on the defensive when someone confronts them about issues in their lives. Relationships are tossed aside and our lives do not change for the better and they go on repeating the same behaviors and of course, getting the same results.

When we love others and want God's best for them and we have invested ourselves in their lives we need to risk and to accept truths about ourselves and offer them accountability as well.

How do you handle this in your life and in the lives of those you have invested in?

 

 

What Do You Think?

Growing up my best friend was my cousin Michael. He and I were pretty inseperable as kids. When I got to middle school most of my friends were guys...I had enough drama in my life at home and so didn't need the drama that usually came with girlfriends.

In High School as I began dating it all seemed to even out and I had an equal number of girl and guy friends. When I began to date my now husband I realized how awkward it would be to have guy friends and so I entered into a new arena with relationships.

We had couples that we did things together with and I don't think it ever occured to either one of us to have a best friend with someone of the opposite sex. We did have a friend who was actually my husband's brothers best friend who would come by to visit sometimes when Bob wasn't home to either work on our car or to play with the kids as he loved them.

At one point in time I had surgery on my ankle and was in a cast and on crutches he and my brother-in-law took turns when they weren't in class helping to take care of our two boys. There was never any emotional involvement or any romantic notions...he was our friend.

This morning a friend and I were having a discussion as we both have watched quite a few marriages falling apart because people are becoming emotionally attached to people of the opposite sex. I have always and believe that it is wrong for married men or women to have ie: lunch dates, heart-t0-heart talks with people of the opposite sex. You are inviting temptation and I have seen too many marraiges crumble because of infidelity that started with someone "just listening."

In our culture today it seems to like the rules are very relaxed...I see pictures on Facebook of married women having lunch with a single guy friend and I think.."wow, what is their husband thinking?" It may seem innocent but as you are becoming friends and sometimes telling your tale of woe boundaries are being broken. No one should know your deepest feelings except your spouse or closest girlfriend. When we share our hearts with anyone else we are building an intimate relationship whether we want to admit it or not. What may seem like innocent lunches and conversations have the power to turn into so much more.

You might need to ask yourself, "how would I honestly feel if my spouse were doing the same thing?' When I worked in medicine a few of my co-workers were unhappy in their lives, they were not happy with themselves and it filtered into every area of their lives. One girl in particular started confiding in one of the doctors...he was single and had nothing to lose, so he offered a sympathetic ear and then his bed. After a few months, he discarded her and she was left with a broken marriage and children who hated her.

I believe that if more people would take the time to figure out that usually the unhappiness is not caused by your spouse, but by somthing in your own life and work on that perhaps more marriages wouldn't end up in divorce court.

We all need friends in our lives of the same gender who will hold us accountable, encourage us and help us to see the good in our lives. People who will encourage "bad" behavior in us are not good friends and do not have our best interest at heart. There's a saying, "birds of a feather flock together."

About 13 years ago I quit a very good job because I was going to have to work alone in a building with a man who had come into my office the day before and started to tell me a very "obscene" joke. I went to my Supervisor who agreed I should not have to work with him and that it was not good, but she was overruled by her Director, so rather than put myself in a comprimising position I quit.

As married men and women our policy should always be to walk away from situations that could cause us to stumble and hurt the people who love us. We should never put ourselves into temptation.

Your marriage and the vows that you took before a covenant God should be what guards your heart and mind. There are too many people looking to take advantage of a man or a woman who is having marital issues and so we need to be wise about who we spend out time with.

That's my two cents...Do you feel that it is safe to be good friends with someone of the opposite sex? If you are married would you go to lunch with a single or married friend of the opposite sex? Why or Why not?