A Circle of Three

What Does It Take?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight."  - Proverbs 3: 5-6

This is one of my very favorite passages in Scripture...a passage that reminds me to sumbit all of my life to God...to allow Him to control every aspect of my life.  Today, as I sat and listened to a Mom whose son has pericarditis secondary to an eating disorder I was reminded once again at how fragile life really is. His body fat percentage is so low that his immune system doesn't seem to be able to handle the virus. I see this Mom with tears in her eyes and I feel her pain because I have lived it not only as one who battled the disease, but also as the mother of a daughter who also lived with the demon.

I hate addictions...having battled my own demon known as anorexia...I understand how easy it is to get swallowed up and become seperated from that which is really important. As I sit here tonight writing this post I really do understand that God does not waste anything. I believe that my having an eating disorder was a part of my story that I would one day be able to use to minister to someone else. My child having it was far worse because always I felt so helpless.

I remember the days of eating 300-500 calories on any given day and then endless exercising to ensure that the calories would be purged from my body. I didn't struggle with bulimia, but more than likely had exercise bulimia which probably was worse. I do have permanent damage to my heart, but am so blessed that I did not do more damage to my body.

As I sat today and listened to his Mom sharing my heart ached for the moments that he has missed out on life as he deals with his demons. He doesn't want to go out to eat with his family...hates that he needs to weigh his food, tries to secretly exercise and refuses to go out with his friends if it involved eating. He stopped going to Youth group because there was always food there...so other than going to school he is isolating himself from what should be the best years in a teenagers life. He went from being a happy-go-lucky young man to an angry and depressed teenager.

What triggered it for him? No one really knows, but it started 2 years ago. All of our stories are different, but always the results are the same...moments missed in life that we can never recapture and unhappiness because perfection as we perceive it seems like it can never be attained. It has primarily been associated with women, but now more teen-age boys have fallen prey to this disease and it is said that they are more difficult to treat.

Our culture is obsessed with weight and we live in a world where exercise is recommended for our health, but when does it all go to the extreme? When I began the downhill spiral of my eating disorder I weighed 130 pounds...a few pounds more than was necessary on my 5'2" frame. I had a hysterectomy and my journey began then...as the pounds came off and people kept telling me how great I looked that became my fuel...I would think well, if I lose another 5 pounds they will really think that I look good.  The positive feedback enabled me. AT 78 pounds I looked like a skeleton and I thought that I looked great...which shows you how sick I really was!

People applauded my weight loss, my disciplined eating and my obsession with exercise...but it took one courageous lady to see it for what it really was a serious illness. I have written before on my blog about her mailing me an 8x10 close up picture of myself...that was my reality check and I thank God that it happened before my heart gave out and before I lost out on more moments.

As I started the long road back to recovery I began to realize all that I had missed out on while this disease had consumed me. I hated going out to eat.  My life revolved around my work outs and I had no joy in my life. It was a vicious cycle and my moods swings were horrible. My self-worth was tied to a number on the scale. This beast could have cost me everything that I truly held dear...I thank God that Bob never gave up on me and that my children forgave me for the moments missed.

It took this close up picture to bring me back to reality. I pray that the seriousness of this young man's illness will bring him to reality. He has to be willing to surrender it ...it is the key...you have to be willing to lay the addiction at the foot of the Cross...to surrender what the underlying cause might me and to not be consumed with external approval. I pray that he will be able to see himself through God's eyes and realize that he is made in the image and likeness of the God who created Him and that my friends is perfection.

Please join me in praying for this young man and his family and for countless others who are dying to be thin...

 

 

 

Our Bodies…God’s Temple

I counseled a young woman a few days ago who is struggling to feel that her life is lining up with whatever God's purpose might be for her life. She felt that she had areas of her life that were out of balance and didn't understand how she could even have a semblance of balance in her life. As a Life Coach I understand the importance of balance in our lives, but I often struggle with it as well.

A few years ago our middle son gave us a GPS as a gift. Up until that time I had always just used MapQuest to help me arrive at my destination. My husband who does not drive due to a genetic eye condition loved this new toy. We set out to Georgia one weekend to visit my aunt and uncle and he had plugged all of the information into the GPS and assured me that all was well. However, it wasn't….he had mistyped their street address and it took us 50 miles away from our destination...it took us "off course."

It is the same way in our lives. It really doesn't take much to get us off course. We don't always have our priorities in the right order…some of us have difficulty managing our time and others make no time for building a relationship with God. Some of us might not manage our finances as well as we should. In my own personal life I have found that when one area of my life is out of sorts chances are that other areas are as well.

Today, for example I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist at 4:00 PM. It means there will be some juggling in my day, but it is an appointment that is very important. I have Hashimoto's thyroid disease and am also a Type 2 diabetic who is not on meds and so I need to be vigilant about taking care of my body and keeping this appointment. I try to take care of my body because I do believe that it is God's temple and He places value on it. In my days of anorexia I abused it and did not take care of it properly. God's Word tells me in Psalm 139 that "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

When I struggled with my eating disorder I went to the extreme. I ate very little, did not hydrate myself properly but would exercise constantly. I thought that my body and my outward appearance was what was important. Often I neglected the spiritual component of my life over the physical component of my life and believe me it showed in so many ways. I still went to church but because I knew that the addictive lifestyle that I was living was wrong I neglected having a relationship with God. Like He couldn't see what I was doing?

I am not advocating not taking care of our bodies because that is important. I see many ignoring their bodies, not eating properly and getting no exercise and that is not wise. Again, our bodies are God's temple and He doesn't want to live in a "shabby shack." We need balance in how we do so.

When I was living life to the extreme…how my body looked consumed me. I ran and ate little, weighed at my lowest 78 pounds, but I did it for all the wrong reasons. I told people that I was doing it all for health reasons, but in all honesty that was a lie straight from the pit of hell. I did it because I wanted to be thin. I wanted to look better on the outside and naively thought that it would help me to feel better and to live a longer life, but in the process I truly forgot how to live. I thought that being thin and fit would make me happy, but inside I was still lost, hurt and sad by events that I had not dealt with in my life.

I recently saw this story on the Internet…"a woman was struggling as to whether or not she should have cosmetic surgery. It was expensive and in order to do so she would need to take out a loan. She was really struggling with the expense, but her husband said she should go for it. She then asked him, "what if I got hit by a car two months after I had the surgery and died? What would you do? He looked at her and said, "well, then I guess I would have an open casket." Vanity!

That period of my life was awful. I was more concerned with my body than my soul. I would miss out on time with God, but I wouldn't even let inclement weather stop me from going to the gym or going for a run. Balance…my life was totally out of synch. I have learned that how I see my body determines how I treat my body. How you see your finances determines how you treat your finances. How you see your family determines how you treat your family. So sometimes we need to have a heart change to fix things and God's Word is the best compass for change that I know.

In the New Testament Paul ministered to the people in Corinth. Corinth was a pagan city whose people had taken on the attitude that God did not care about their bodies, His only concern was for their spirits. Their attitude then is sometimes the attitude that folks have today: "if it feels good, do it!" Our bodies belong to God. He created us in His image and likeness. We honor Him by how we treat it.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20: "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body," When God sees our bodies, He sees His temple.

And in John 14:23 God's Word says: "If anyone loves Me, he will obey My teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him"

Our bodies are God's temple. We need to be careful of where we go, what we do and also what we think. With the Spirit indwelling in us, every word, every thought, and every deed is in His view. The Holy Spirit knows each of us who profess Jesus as our Lord. He knows our strengths and He knows our weaknesses. He knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. Are we honoring God's temple?

Today, I choose to respect my body by eating properly (not always) and by exercising, but it is no longer an object that I worship. The Bible tells us that we were bought at a price. Jesus died on the Cross and paid our ransom. He owns all of us…every ounce, every pound, every fiber of our beings. So, if we understand that then is it right to say: "I can smoke if I want to…no, they are not your lungs that you are damaging; they are God's. When we can begin to see our bodies as the temple where God resides it will I believe change our perspective on how we live. We were created to bring honor and glory to the God who breathed His life into us.

1 Timothy 4:8 says: "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." This verse does not say that exercise is unimportant; it simply states a truth that godliness is far more important. Exercise is a good tool if we are using it to improve the quality of our lives, not so that others will admire us.

When we take care of God's temple by regularly building not only our physical muscles, but also our spiritual muscles we will find that our lives have more balance in them. Our personal lives will be more fulfilling and we will experience more of His joy and peace in our lives. Am I totally there yet? No, I won't lie and say that I am…always a work in progress. I understand that I want to live better and live a life that above all else brings honor and glory to the One who saved me from myself…from the pit of bondage that I was in. My overall health…balance in my life and yours is not just a matter of happiness…not just a matter of living out His greater purpose or even having balance in all areas of life… it is a matter of utmost honor to a Holy God who loves me and you more than we can imagine. And He loves us all too much to leave us where we are at.

Being a Mother Isn't Always in the Birthing....

Mother's Day...when our children were little it was always such a sweet day. I remember little boys bringing me flowers they had plucked from our back yard or one time plucked from our neighbor's beautiful flower beds. Oops. And then three of them bringing me breakfast in bed which usually consisted of cold tea and cold toast covered with lots of butter. Those were precious times.

As a daughter it has always been a difficult Holiday because I grew up never feeling loved by my mother. She was never in the moments of my life and so it was always difficult to honor her on that day or to pick out a card ...to buy a gift. I wanted to honor her but the memories had hurt me to the depth of my soul. And then I became a mother and through the years I have learned that becoming a mother doesn't make one a mother. And being forgiven is a gift that we owe to the women who birth us.

I wish that I had been blessed with a mother who wanted me, who cherished the fact that she had a daughter to share life with, but I wasn't; but God in His infinite wisdom provided women  for me who would "stand in the gap" to love me and nurture me. One of these women was a woman named Lorraine who had four children of her own, one who had contracted polio as a child and yet, she was willing to take care of me sometimes night and day. In her home I learned that motherhood sometimes also means being willing to love a child who was not born of your flesh.

I loved Saturdays at her house...lunch was always home made chicken noodle soup and tuna fish sandwiches. Her daughters were teenagers and so after lunch American Bandstand was always on the TV and they would be dancing around the living room. There were often tears as there were 4 teen-agers in the house and a husband who had a drinking problem, but she always had time to listen, to play with me and to answer my endless questions.

Later during my teenage years God sent an angel named Mary to mother me. Mary was an old friend of my mother's and she and her husband took me in the year that my parents got a divorce. They loved me, shared their home with me and taught me to have faith in the God I felt had abandoned me. Mary had Stage 4 breast cancer that eventually metstasized to her brain, but she never gave up on God. She trusted His plans for her life and I remember seeing her hands bowed in prayer as she traveled the painful journey that would eventually lead her home. Mary prayed for me and with me and taught me to have Hope.

Ann Voscamp wrote a post this week for her own mother and this quote is from her post: "A wise mother knows what powerful men can forget — that the way to move heaven and earth isn’t with a strong arm but with a bowed head."

Mary and my sweet maternal grandmother taught me that...prayer it is the key always. They taught me to pray and to believe that God would hear my cries. Strong women have strong faith in God. They know that their Hope and their strength are from the Lord. My VAvo loved Jesus and I loved praying the rosary with her. She taught me to garden and to bake wonderful bread in an old wood stove. Her house always smelled heavenly!

And then there was and still is my Aunt Bea. She is really not a biological aunt, but an aunt born from respect and love. She also had four children of her own, but from the time I was four years old until today she has been my "heart mother." She loved a little girl who was so lost. She and my Uncle Len allowed me to stay at their house for weeks on end...she taught me to knit...she allowed us to cook and make a mess in the kitchen...she instilled in me a love of reading...but above all else she was there. She took the time to talk to me and to really listen. She gave me her time and that made all the difference. She gave me a sense of what family could really be like and because of her and my Uncle Len I believed that it was possible.

All of these women: my sweet Vavo, Lorraine, Mary, and Aunt Bea experienced pain and heartache in their lives...their hearts were broken many times over, but they believed that a little girl who was so hurt and so lost could become a women who would believe in the power of God. They had faith that the God they loved would protect me and mold me into the woman He would need me to become...into the mother that I would one day be.

And their prayers were not wasted. I remember bringing our first born, Robert home and three days later hearing him having his first bout with asthma. I was scared and so very unsure but I knew that God would protect him and me too! I remember the little boy with a head full of curls who followed his big brother everywhere he went and then welcoming a baby sister with a heart full of love. I remember bringing this baby sister home from the hospital and believing that God had truly blessed us...and today, I still believe that.

Was it always easy? No, there are still lots of trials along the way and often lots of negotiations still need to take place. Sometimes, in all honesty I get weary, but never do I want to give up. Motherhood isn't a job that you ever retire from. There are times when turmoil and friction run rampant through this family that God has blessed us with. We have added two daughters-in-laws and one son-in-law and 5 very precious grandchildren and always life is busy.

Faith...the Bible tells us that " without faith it is impossible to please God. And His Word also says " Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." What would my life, our lives be like if I did not have faith? Chaos...total chaos and there would be no hope.

Through it all Faith and Jesus were what I had to cling to...through the days of asthma attacks, endless nose bleeds, croup, ear infections, broken  bones, teacher conferences, fights between boys, broken hearts, broken promises, an eating disorder, endless activities, and so much more. I understood only what you can understand when you choose to invest, that there will be joy, but there will also be pain on the path. Jesus path that we share had both and why should I think that mine shouldn't?

It has made me so very thankful once again for those women who took the time to mother me...my own mother for giving birth to me and for choosing life. I see her now at almost 92 a women who has never been at peace in her own soul and My heart's desire is that she could embrace Jesus and surrender all of her own pain at the Cross so in these remaining years she could feel His peace. Lorraine who taught me that being a mother is a calling...it is the art of making a home. Mary, who taught me to that as a mother you often need to be on your knees before a God who loves these children that He has blessed you with more than life itself. And lastly to Aunt Bea who gave me the gift of forever family...who has always loved me unconditionally and blessed my life in so many ways. And lastly to the dearest sister in the entire world...a sister of the heart...my kindred spirit, Kay who travels this path with me. Who understands my heart and often cries right along with me.

Thank you to all of you who never gave up on me...who believed in me when I wasn't so sure that I would make it. Sweet memories of chicken noodle soup, bread baking in the oven, knitting on the needles, feather beds, preserving jelly, candles being lit in church, rosary beads dangling from wrinkled hands and so much more. You have all been bright and shining stars in the often dark days of this child's life and the memories that you gave me still shine today. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for loving me and helping to shape me  into the woman I have become. And no, I am not who I still need to be, but every day He is continuing to mold me and to grow me. You were faithful and He is finishing the work.

 

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There Was A Manual...

It has been almost forty-one years since I brought our first son home. In the 1970's they kept new mothers in the hospital for three days...but in all honesty if they had offered to let me stay for a year I would have jumped at the chance! I knew very little about babies and even less about being a mother. In all honesty what was I thinking?

I remember those first few nights after bringing Robert home listening for every whimper and when I didn't hear a sound I would jump out of bed to make sure he was breathing. Where was the instruction manual that should have accompanied us home from the hospital? Eventually I did learn to relax and began to enjoy my new role and over the next five years we added another son and a daughter to the mix.

Would the manual have told me how my heart would have been wrenched every time one of them got sick? Would the manual have told me how I would cry all the way home after dropping my first born at Kindergarten for the first time or how it would feel the first time you handed them the car keys? All  I know is that we learned by trial and error how to parent. We grew up together in those early years.

I wish that I could say that it was all "fun and games," but that would be a lie. We were ill prepared for the teenage years because birth to age 12 had been so easy...we weren't prepared for the tension and the turmoil that could erupt. We hurt each other at times and we learned to forgive along the way. We weren't perfect and no, they did not come with a manual but had I known what I know today....God's manual would have been our compass. We made mistakes, had sleepless nights, made tough decisions out of love and above all else loved unconditionally and always wanted to protect. It's what we felt parents should do...maybe, we protected too much at times when it would have been better to allow them to suffer the consequences of their decisions.

No, We weren't perfect...and I used to apologize for that but I won't any longer. I am not perfect and will never be perfect this side of heaven. I am a mother who has loved unconditionally, who has made her share of mistakes along the way, who has hurt her children and been hurt by them, but always I have done whatever I have done out of love. God has given me His grace for the places that I have fallen short and His grace is sufficient.

I will close with this quote: "When you make the decsion to have a child that child is part of both of you, and it is your job to take care of it, to love it, to provide for it and to give it the love that only a mother and a father can give."  We did that and we did it well and will continue loving them and the 5 precious grandchildren that God has blessed our lives with until He calls us home.

Freedom...If It Costs You Everything Is It Worth It?

I have been reading a book over the past week that has truly made me look at my own life and ask myself a lot of very difficult questions. The book is called, "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idelman. Here is a link to the website: http://www.notafan.com/ which has some wonderful information.

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Freedom...If It Costs You Everything Is It Worth It?

I have been reading a book over the past week that has truly made me look at my own life and ask myself a lot of very difficult questions. The book is called, "Not a Fan" by Kyle Idelman. Here is a link to the website: http://www.notafan.com/ which has some wonderful information.

The book opens with the question: "are you a fan or a follower of Jesus Christ?" What is your level of committment? If you are a fan you accept Jesus' invitation of "Come Follow Me" but you will not want to do what we are told we must do in Luke 9:23 "if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself."  We cannot effectively follow Jesus if we are not willing to travel away from   the path that we have been traveling.

As many of you know I have been ministering to a young woman who for many years was addicted to crack cocaine and lived life on the streets...a life that was far from the path that God would have chosen for her. I praise God that she has been clean for over five months now, off the streets and living in a Christian based rehab facility. She chose Jesus and a new path instead of the "stuff" and the people who were continually dragging her down the wrong path. She has chosen life in Christ and daily as she surrenders her life to Him not only is she being blessed but those of us who are a part of her journey are being blessed as well. She has chosen to walk in obedience and is living in freedom and has His joy in her heart. She says that Jesus is her GPS.

Society has convinced us that we deserve to be "happy" and whatever it is that makes us happy is the path we should follow. That is not the path that Jesus would have us travel and it is only when we can deny ourselves and follow Jesus that we will have the freedom and joy that my sweet friend is experiencing. We don't want to deny ourselves. We want to pursue our own desires, follow our plans and chase our dreams, but truly it really is all about SURRENDER. Dying to self...it must be a daily choice for our lives to change.

As I have read this book the Holy Spirit has convicted me of some things that I am going to share. It has helped me to see that there are some significant changes that I need to make in my own life. I thought that I had surrendered all on Laguna Beach in 2006 when I went to get certfied as a Life Coach and daily I do surrender things in my life, but the one thing I have never fully surrendered is my Family. Oh, I would say that I had, but in all honesty I always held on to it as well thinking that someow I could make all things right.

If anyone would have asked me before I read this book, "Are you a fan or a follower?" ...I would have said a follower, but in reality I have not been a committed follower because I still held on to Family as though all things would be through my efforts. This book and some words from the Director of my center really hit home last night....as parents we need to do the best that we can do...and when they become adults...how they live their lives is no longer a reflection on us...their choices are theirs and they are accountable to God for how they live their lives. I needed to hear that last night and it was such a conviction that I did need to lay family down at the Cross.

I was raised in a very dysfunctional family and when I married and had children made a vow to each of them when they were infants that I would love them, protect them, always be there for them, and I would be a good mom. I remember sitting with our daughter, the youngest of our children a few days after I had brought her home from the hospital and telling her how blessed I felt to finally have a girl after two boys. Her Daddy was outside playing baseball with her two brothers and I remember thinking this is so nice...the boys have their Dad to do "guy" things with and I have a daughter who will one day want to do "girl" things with. Those were my dreams...and life does not always go according to our plans. Dreams have been shattered along the way and hurts have been inflicted but always I have loved. We took them to church, but maybe we never pointed them to a relationship with Christ. Maybe, we never helped them to fully uinderstand God's amazing grace? Maybe I tried to protect too much and got in God's way.

For many years I struggled with an eating disorder. I said I followed Jesus then, but it's hard to follow Jesus and feel His love when you are unhappy with yourself and not thrilled with the body that He gave you. I refused any offers of help and vehemently denied that I even had a problem. I would make excuses: "my stomasch is upset, I ate already, I am trying to eat healthy, etc" ...because I wanted to be in control and had the illusion that I was. I not only damaged my life, I hurt those around me as well. I did not want to set aside my selfishness or my vanity. I will always be grateful to a friend who wasn't afraid to confront in love...she saved my life! She came to visit our family and took a close-up 8x10 picture of me and put it in the mail along with a note.

As I looked at that picture through tears I knew that I had gone too far. The number on the scale that morning had said 78 pounds and the lie from the enemy was "75" pounds would be so much better. I knew that I had to surrender this because I could not do it on my own. I had to surrender this horrible disease at the foot of the Cross if I were going to live to see my children grow up. On a crisp fall morning I laid it down...was it easy, no because it was an addiction and daily I make a choice to surrender it because I know only too well how easy it would be to fall prey again if I am not walking with Christ.

But my Family...In the book we are told that Jesus wants what we value the most...for some that might be money, for others it might be their careers, for me it is family. My life has revolved around my kids and my grandkids. There have been times I am embarassed to admit that I have put their wants and needs before my husband's. My children and grandchildren have been the source not only of my greatest joy, but also my greatest fears and anxieties. So, Jesus really, surrender Family at the foot of the Cross? I have wrestled with this for 3 days and I know that it is what I need to do if I am going to live my life in total surrender with no divisions in my heart.

Kyle Idleman writes: "The one thing that we are most reluctant to give up has the most potential to become a substitute for Christ."  For years my eating disorder was my substitute, I have allowed "stuff" to try to fill me up and always my family. The reminder in this book...anything we place in front of our relationship with Jesus serves as an idol. It's not that loving our families is sinful or wrong, but if it causes us to feel that we are in control rather than letting God be God then it is wrong. He can only bring about order in our lives when we surrender every aspect of our lives to Him.

One day when I die I don't want my legacy to be: "she was a good wife, she was a good Mom, She was a wonderful grandmother, she weighed 115 pounds, she was a good cook, she worked at a Crisis Pregnancy center...I want my legacy to be...she was a follower of Jesus Christ. Jesus says, "Come follow me...there is an RSVP date and that date is TODAY.  I hear people all of the time saying I will follow Jesus when I get married, I will follow Jesus when I have children, I will follow Jesus when I get a job, I will follow Jesus when I get myself right." In the land of tomorrow you lose the blessings that God intends for you to have TODAY. In the book the author writes: "the land of tomorrow is where you find divorce, you find children who are hurt emotionally and sometimes physically, you find addictions, debt, unfaithfulness and more.

What if tomorrow never comes? The truth is the longer you put Jesus up on the shelf, the more likely it is that following Him will never happen. What you pursue today is what you will choose to pursue tomorrow. There are no guarantees in life...tomorrow is not a promise. So, today I lay down my family Lord...each and every person and pray that Your holy and perfect will be done in their lives. There is an old Jewish saying that I have heard: "May you walk so close to the Rabbi that you will be covered in His dust." Bob, Robert, Jen, Robert Michael, Ryan, Susan, Emma, Mason, Jenny, Mark, Blake and Marky I pray that each of you will not only be covered with His dust, but that you will all be covered by His blood."

Lord God I thank you for this book, for Your Word and for your Holy Spirit...thank You always for your amazing grace and for your tender mercy and unconditional love.

 

He Holds Every Tear

This morning I met with a client who came in for a pregnancy test. She is a single woman, didn't know who the father of the baby was, but for her abortion would not be an option. A sweet woman who I believe wants a baby to love. She told me that she had already taken 2 tests at home and they were negative, but truly believed that she was pregnant.

I went into the Lab and actually did two tests and they were both negative and if her dates are correct they should have been positive. I walked back in thinking that this young woman would probably be relieved, but as I told her the tears beagn to flow down her cheeks.  My heart just broke for her. She wants a baby...she wants someone to love.

As we began to talk she showed me a scar on her arm....a scar that she told me would awlays remind her of pain that had been inflicted on her as a child in her native country of Vietnam. I asked if I could pray with her and told her that she should go to the Health Department for a blood test just to be certain. I prayed for peace for her...for God's love to just fill those empty place that she hopes a baby would fill and I prayed that the scars leftover from childhood could be laid at the Cross.

Scars...we all  have them. Some of our scars are deeper than others. They come about because we live in a world that is broken....a world that needs the healing touch of a Savior. The scars that a child bears from the trauma of divorce; the scars an adult bears when their marriage disintegrates, the scars of hurtful words, the scars of losing a child, the scars of _____________________.

The healing for our scars can only be found in the One whose nail-scarred hands took the punishment for our sins. The song "Praise You in This Storm" is one of my very favorites and one of the lyrics says: "Every tear I cry You hold in Your hands, You never left my side," and as I sing it always I am reminded He sees our hearts, He understands  the pain that has caused the scars and wants us always to lay it at His feet and above all else, He is faithful.

I have a pretty long scar on my right foot from surgery for a bone tumor as a teenager. For many years I hated that scar and actually thought about having plastic surgery to cover it up at one point in time, but I read somthing once that we should look at scars on our bodies as beauty marks. I think of a young woman that I know  who has had a mastectomy and has a scar across her chest...it is a beauty mark, she has survived breast cancer and is alive and able to see her children grow up.

Our scars....they can reflect Christ's love...His mercies in our lives. The Bible tells us that we are to rejoice in all things. Sometimes, I feel like it has taken me a lifetime to understand that, but I am getting it. I pray that the young woman who graced our doors today felt a glimpse of God's love...that she felt valued as a person. Yesterday we went to hear Nick Vujicic at Northland.  He was born with a rare condition called tetra-amelia which caused him to be born without limbs.

He is an amazing young man who has led so many to Christ. One of his questions last night was: "Are you walking with God or what are you holding onto? If you don't let go of the "stuff," (the scars) you will miss out on what God has for you so that you can live a transformed life. Nick said when you put your faith and your hope in temporary things your life even though it might appear rich and full will be empty. When you honor God, He will honor you.

Scars, hurts, disappointments we all have them...it is what we choose to do with them that will have eternal significance. The scars show that we have loved, that we have tried to bless others, that we have worked hard, that we have __________________________(fill in the blank)but I pray always that our scars will be reminders that God has and continues to bring us through the pain as we walk with Him. Our Hope is in Jesus and through His sacrifice we can live redeemed lives even when we don't have all of the answers.

Yesterday...Will It Be a Memory?

This past weekend I had the privilege of going down to South Florida to take care of two of our grandchildren while their Mom flew to Tennessee to pick out carpeting, cabinets, etc for the new home they are building there.  We also took our youngest grandson with us as he wanted to see his cousins.

When we arrived on Friday evening Emma and Mason were at their neighbors who had been kind of enough to keep them until we arrived. We got all settled in, had snacks, and then went upstairs to bed as it was getting late. Our granddaughter Emma had a surprise for us when we went upstairs that totally blessed her Jidoo and I. A few months ago I had given Emma a stack of pictures...mostly snapshots of the early years of her life when she lived nearby. She decided to take some of those pictures and made a scrapbook for us. As we looked through it and we spent time traveling down memory lane with her I realized once again how quickly children grow up.

As I sat in the morning having some quiet time before these precious children got up I thought about life with my own children. I remember Emma's Daddy Ryan, my middle-child who used to climb in our bed every night with his favorite blanket. He used to cozy himself in right behind my pillow and go back to sleep, safe and secure. I remember nights when I just wanted him in his own bed and would get up, pick him up and carry him back to his bed...how I wish that I had lingered more with those sleepy hugs.

Remembering...the moments that sometimes still seem so very near, yet I know they are from days gone by. When you are in the thick of the mothering years you think that they will never end but in reality they go by way too fast. As mothers our job is to love unconditionally, to encourage them, but above all else I think one of our most important roles is always to reflect God's love.

The God who chose us, who loved us first with His unconditional love shows us how to mother. He knit us in our mother's wombs long before He knit these precious children in our wombs. We are His children reflecting His love. Are we making the most of the time He has given us with them?

Bob and I love spending time with the 5 precious grandchildren that God has blessed our lives with. We love hearing their stories and they seem to love hearing stories of their parents as children. Our prayer is always that they know when we are with them that we are in the moments...we are blessed by their company and love creating memories with them.

On Saturday afternoon Emma decided that we should make chicken tacos with all of the fixings for dinner. She was able to direct me to the grocery store, we shopped for all the ingredients for our feast and then of course got some ice cream for dessert. Once we arrived back home she helped me prepare all of the food, set the table and then helped to clean up. OK...where did the little girl go who used to want to "style" my hair for 25 cents?

A poignant reminder once again of how fleeting childhood really is. So often, I hear parents complain or wish that their children would just grow up...I want to run over to them and say, "no, cherish these moments, they truly are the best years. We need to be loving them, nurturing them, enjoying them and helping them to believe that they truly are the most important people that God has blessed our lives with.

I read a book recently that really made me think about all of this. The lead character in this book is a 40ish year-old homicide detective, a busy man and  father of three children. He's gone from home more often than not. To help raise his kids after his wife dies tragically his grandmother moves in and assumes the role of mom and housekeeper. This particular book finds the lead character questioning whether or not his job is more important than his family... wrestling with the fact that his kids are growing up, and he's missing it.

His grandmother, a wise woman  wants to  illustrate how precious time with his family is so she r gives him two jars full of marbles. She explains to him that each marble in those jars represents either a past or future Saturday in his life. One jar holds the Saturdays that have already gone by and that can never be taken back... the other holds the Saturdays that are still available to him and full of potential. She then reaches into the jar of Saturdays with potential, picks one marble, hands it to him, and says, "How are you going to spend this marble?"

As I sat and reflected on how many Saturdays you have with your children it really hit home! Consider this sobering thought for a moment... how many more DAYS do you have left to directly influence your children in the ways of Jesus before they leave home? How many more days do you have to make a difference?

My granddaughter is 13 years old.
She will be 18 in 5 years.
If you take the number of years before Emma will leave home to go to college and multiply that by 365, you  get the number of days my son and his wife have left with her to directly influence her while living at home.

It looks like this:

5x365= 1825  directly influential days left

That number may not look too small, but trust me each day it is getting smaller. smaller. And as each day passes so does that precious time that we can never get back.
 
So, what will you do with this number? What will I do as a grandparent?

I pray that I will always remember to live intentionally with them...to be in the moments.

How many hours do we as adults  waste sitting at our laptops when our time would best be spent playing a game with a child?

How many times do we choose to watch a basketeball game instead of reading to our child? 

 How many times do we stay late at the office or go out for a drink after work instead of seeing   our child who we have been away from all day?

 How much time do we spend on our phones, checking FB or texting but totally missing out on conversation with the child who sits right at our side?

How much time do we spend with _______________________ but miss out on investing in our child?

If we are honest...too many times.

Whether we choose to admit it or believe it our actions as well as our non-actions are teaching then what truly matters to us.  As parents and grandparents, the clock is ticking. I pray that that we all remember that the marbles will move and they can never be retrieved again.

How many marbles do you have left...how many Saturdays before your child or your grandchild leaves home? How are you going to spend those days?

 

Are You A Fan or A Follower?

What a joy it is to worship with your adult children and grandchildren.  Bob and I went to Northland yesterday with all of our family with the exception of our son who had to preach at his own church. We missed him and his family, but know that as the Senior Pastor of his church that was where he needed to be.

As I sat and watched our two oldest grandsons singing along to the praise music my heart overflowed with joy. Praying always that the words they are singing are being imbedded in their tender hearts and minds. When church concluded our grandson Mason came over to me, gave me a big hug and said I really liked church today Gram. Music to this Gram's ears!

Tonight a friend of mine shared this link and as I listened to this wonderful you tube video I was convicted once again of the importannce of total surrender and being a follower of Christ. The link to the video is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0wz9EaciZg&feature=related. The video is approximately 35 minutes long, but definitely will make you think about your relationship with Christ.

Kyle Idelman asks: "Are you a fan of Jesus Christ or are you a follower of Jesus Christ? Have you made a decision to believe in Jesus or have you committed your life to following Jesus? There's a big difference...if we believe we have "head" knowledge; if we follow we have "heart" knowledge as well.

Churches across the country were packed yesterday with lots of folks who believe in Jesus and so they make their obligatory Easter visit...those are the same folks that usually attend on Christmas as well. They don't see the need to attend church on a regular basis and Kyle feels that it is sometimes because the message messes people's lives. If you go to church your life might be "messed" up as you listen to God's Word and what He truly desires from each of us.

In Luke 9:23 Jesus said: " “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. Following Him requires giving Him your best...giving Him your heart...giving Him every aspect of our lives. Most of us if we were totally honest would need to admit that we don't like giving up things to follow Jesus. Isn't it easier to say, "I believe in Jesus, I even think that He did some pretty amazing things, but be totally committed, well that's pretty hard. We need to ask ourselves if we claim to be followers of Jesus has following Jesus cost us anything?

You see we can make the claims, but words are just words unless there is action behind them. I could say that I am a distance runner, but unless I have actually run more than a 5k I am not really a distance runner. I could say, "I'm a great Gram, but if I never spend quality time with my grandchildren they are just empty words. Words are real when they are tested.  When the trials come in your life is Jesus enough?

Are there areas of your life that you would not want Jesus to have access to? Would you be embarassed if He saw things that you did, would you cringe if He heard some of the music you might listen to? Thought provoking questions that we all need to ask ourselves if we claim to be Christians. If we would ban Jesus from certain areas of our lives then we are setting the parameters of the relationship not Him.

Jesus wants to be our all in all. He wants us to love Him the way He loves us with all of our hearts. We are called to die to ourselves...totally foreign to the world we live in, but if we do that and surrender every aspect of our lives to Him He promises we will have life everlasting, abundant life.

The Bible tells us in Revelation 3: 15-16 (MSG) "I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You're not cold, you're not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You're stale. You're stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, 'I'm rich, I've got it made, I need nothing from anyone,' oblivious that in fact you're a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." I pray that each of us will be challenged to grow in our heart knowledge of the God who loves us more than we could ever imagine.

Who Does Your Significance Come From?

I am reading a great book, "Searching For God Knows What" by Donald Miller and am loving it. The author talks about how as Christians knowing facts about God is not the same as knowing God. I grew up watching the television show, "Bewitched" and thought that it was wonderful that the actress could just twitch her nose and could make things happen. As a young wife I often wished that I had that magical power when it cmae time to clean my house. I wonder if that is how we approach our relationship to God? I think that I did just that for many years.

For those of you who know me or have read my blog awhile you know that I grew up Catholic. As a Catholic I feared God, but it wasn't a reverent fear.  I feared that if I did anything at that was wrong He would just "strike me dead." I did not have a relationship with God,  what I had was a Catechism, a system of ideas, prejudices against other religions, rote prayers and always a sense of doom.

At the age of 34 I came to know the God of the Bible and He became real to me...I now had a healthy fear of Him...a reverence, an awe. As I worked my way through the Bible I saw that God is relational and  perfect is a God who has always been willing to  communicates with imperfect people. The good news that Jesus came to bring us is relational. So often in my life I have tried to fill the voids, the inadequacies in my life with "stuff" but always it leaves me feeling empty.

Only God has the ability to tell us who we are and this can only happen as we live in community with Him. Unfortunately, most of us live our lives believing the opinions of others over who the God of the Bible who tells us who we are. We feel that we have to wear certain clothing, it's important to drive the "right" car, our houses have to be a certain size...all of it so that we can feel like we measure up. We love it when people in our lives cheer us on and feel sad when we don't feel we are being noticed. What if instead we truly believed that our value exists because God takes pleasure in us?

Donald Miller asks the question: "What if the way of Jesus and the Holy Spirit is right?" And "what if the way the Trinity operates explains the way we as humans are wired and that we can only be fulfilled when we are finally in a realtionship with God and in this relationship we truly know who we are" He goes on to remind us that Jesus offers us Himself...not a religion...not a formula...but His love. Only Jesus has the power to save.

It truly is about relationship...read the Bible and see the stories for yourself. Jesus told us that the greatest commandments were to love Him and to love others ...who are you living for? Will your life make a difference for eternity?